but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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