i think i have two assholes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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