Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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