dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
