I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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