did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to sanitize my soul.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
