Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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