Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize