You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
