yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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