Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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