i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
