you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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