This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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