smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
