I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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