On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
His hands were made for my vagina.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
