There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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