i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
