I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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