Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
