please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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