lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
