he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
