I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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