his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
