Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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