All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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