my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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