Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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