I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
