I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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