my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
