just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
