make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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