I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
