i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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