You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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