Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it because I queefed?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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