There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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