Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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