Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
