Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
