I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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