My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
