Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think your dad took our porno
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
