he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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