if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
