i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize