I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
