My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
