Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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