When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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