It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
