she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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