I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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