hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
