So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
