she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
