I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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