he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
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There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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