well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
