ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
