It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
