You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
