Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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