I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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