Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
