Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
