she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
