Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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