Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
