Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
