He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
