Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
